For several years, the Wesley Golf Society Events card carried a "novelty" item on its reverse side. Some are reproduced below with other occasional "witticisms.
(Feel free to reproduce them but please acknowledge the Wesley Golf Society as their source)
Our 2017 Captain James Breakspear prefaced his Christmas greeting with - as the pendulum golf club of time lifts the golf ball of endeavor as it sails down the fairway of opportunity, it gently bounces on to the green of good hope and rolls slowly forward to disappear into the white cup of satisfaction!

OR perhaps, a touch more realistically, the pendulum golf club of time slices into the golf ball of no hope, sailing through the undergrowth of frustration and on to the fairway of momentary opportunity before bouncing hard left and disappearing for eternity into the lake of futility!


Complete the poem: " grip and I stand and I aim
but the results are seldom the same


Can you provide 24 genuine golfing words each starting with a different letter of the alphabet ?

2008 - (Polite !) Golfing Words

2007 - Golf Courses Near & Far

1. Sounds like thereís a new you
2. SIN MAN DARTS (Berks)
3 A big sad rock
4. A cheesy wood (Cambs)
5 An Australian in Cape Town
6 A kitchen hook ((Herts)
7 A damp enclosure in Scotland
9 Love _ _ at Christmas (Dorset)
10. Nesting haven in Suffolk

Golf courses are local to the Windsor & Maidenhead area - unless otherwise indicated. Clues in CAPITALS are anagrams.
2006 - A Backword Look

Ye goblin ran towards the daffodils to video a party with dancing ďal frescoĒ in the moonlight. He saw an angel go down at no risk (she thought) to meet Dracula and a girl like Lohengrin fall about as she tried to help Midas count the takings. He tried to yell or tell somebody but words stuck in his throat. Hang about - itís only a dream - which could make one ill to think about.

(16 Golf words are hidden but written backwards)


1. Elementary My Dear
2. Bernard Law's namesake
3. Beach stocking
4. Mixed up mountain range
5. First and last the sound of a tonic
6. Police security ?
7. He gave Harold one in the eye
8. Left when the irons have gone
9. Needs a wind up to work
10. Made a noise for victory
11. Audibly cleans up regularly
12. Sounds like an office worker
13. Needed a tough glove we hear
14. Tags on to most things
15. Reportedly he competes on Indian transport !


On the ? day of golfmas my true love said to me:

(1) your ball's stuck up a gum tree
(2) many putts
(3) missed birdies
(FORE!) loud shouts
(5) holes in one
(6) golf socks
(7) to the green
(8) too much breakfast
(9) minutes late (10) shun is rising


Australian-born (JONNER M HOGGRAN) met the English lady-golfer (VERA ALAUDIS) for a game of golf at the Berkshire (LUNGE AND SIN) G.C. He said that he greatly admired the old-timer (JANE AND SUE SLOMACKS) but she liked the not-so-old (RON ALAN DE DALRIMPLE). They both wondered of the young-ish (LEO SALADAN CHANDLIER FOX) would ever make a real come-back. Then they sped up the M6 for a round at the (RADIANTLYNESS - TAN A HOLY MAN) G.C. where they played in a (DEMIFERMOUS SOX) competition. The consequence was (AL NEO HOINE) and the world said:


Take the word "Drive", change one letter and rearrange the resulting letters into a legitimate English word - this counts one "stroke". Start from "Drive" and finish at "Champ" incorporating in sequence the 9 words of the following nine-hole course:
1 "Drive" 2 "Balls" 3 "Irons"
4 "Wedge" 5 "Green" 6 "Putts"
7 "Holes" 8 "Prize" 9 "Champ"
Par for the course is an easy 41 - can you beat it?

As the crystal sea gleams beyond the blood-red river home to the musk-yellowed geese, the shrieking kite echoes through the alpine fir on fire with the setting sun. The pipit chirp heralds the lethargic hippo who, from the sinking bog, eyes an apish wood imp leering at the adder's licentious dance. Salmon bring ripples where the treacherous pike mark territorial waters and scoff laggard parr so pink and raw. A captive wasp utters scratching sounds as its captor, leg by leg, re-enters its spun area to admire its swag gleeless and trapped forever. But see - the doughty golfer of feisty mien with small skill, large heart and bag immense !. From brambled lie with crouching knees threads bespattered ball through threatening trees to nestle gently in the hole. A tale once told but read between the lines will oft yield gold.
2000 didn't tax anbody's brain as we offered a small poem !

It would be rather pleasant to "bag" a goose or pheasant with my shiny dimpled logo'd two piece ball.
While others get the bird - even eagles (I have heard) - try as I might I ne'er get one at all.
When I lark behind a tree (with bramble-ings round my knee) and a 50ft chip is all I need to win - it
really makes me 'owl, with the weather getting foul, when with careful aiming all I do is thin it !
I've nearly hit a rook with my vicious little hook - and a pigeon thought my slice not very nice,
but when others score a four, I'm always that much more and my numbers seldom figure on a dice !
The picture that I paint would try the patience of a saint, or Job, or figures out of history, brave and sturdy.
So when I take my putter, please don't cough, or scratch, or mutter, but hope and pray - as
I'm putting for my birdie !
In 1999 all we did is start off with a simple little poem

One night I lay a sleeping - I dreamed a dream so fair
My Society-logo'd dimpled ball soared majestic through the air.
No slice nor hook nor evil force of wind nor branch of tree
With "controlled spin" it struck the spot I'd chosen from the Tee.
It bounced and ran, rolled on the green, then burrowed to the pole
(This can't be true - it's just a dream !) and it nestled in the hole.
A cry went up "Ahoalinwon" with everyone's eyes on me
But "Ahoalinwon" came echoing back from dry throats at the nineteenth tee !
Then I awoke (it was all a dream) and the cheers of the crowd were gone
But I must keep on till "Ahoalinwon" floats to my ears (Dream on !)
Encouraging people of all skills to enjoy golf.